Vulnerable

September 10, 2016

Last days I found myself being extremely tired and vulnerable. I slipped away from my bright and brave self. Something was coming up. I am on a step of a huge change in my life and it has been awaking powers in me that have been suppressed until now. The other night, I had a dream of bats trying to enter in my head while I was falling asleep. I was so scared of them that I didn’t let myself fall asleep in my dream. I noticed how fear took over me and I tried to scare them away. The more afraid I was the closer they came. After researching the situation a bit I understood that the bats are supreme symbols of transition and change, rebirth. Unconsciously, I was afraid of letting it happen, let go of old and welcome the new.

The unknown.

 

I needed to accept and face my fears,

hold space for them and allow them to come on surface.

What am I afraid of? I insisted.

Fears started to pour out. What else? Show me more!

Cleaning all my mind and heart form these fears they poured out on the paper and awareness. Lots of them I thought that I had already came into peace with but

there was still something that needed my attention and presence.

 

And the more I allowed them to enter into my heart space and mind,

 really FEEL them,

EXPERIENCE each of them and giving my full presence for them

the more they lost their power.

I feel like I exhausted them

by offering them my full attention and acceptance.

They transformed.

 

Fear of moving back to Finland 

changed to trust of listening the guidance of my tribal heart.

Fear of going to live in the culture where I feel like a stranger

turned into deep gratitude for having a small but loving and conscious community around me.

Fear of loosing someone that I truly love

grew into peace and understanding that the love that I am sharing is infinite,

ever lasting, not limited to physical world.

Fear of having lack of funding for my life work

was replaced by trust that as long as I am grateful for what I have and work for collective good,

abundance is always there.

Fear of being judged by others

lost its meaning when I remembered that I can only do my best and if it is not enough, then there is nothing more that I can do.

Finally fear of loneliness made me laugh!

 Aloneness is far from loneliness

I am never alone yet always alone and it is what makes us whole as individuals.

It is within that makes the fears to 
appear without.

 

Dare to be vulnerable.

Dare to admit that you have fears, both silly and serious ones.

 Allow them to rise up when they are pushing through.

Surrender for the change.

We are living powerful times in the whole world right now

and the only thing we can do is to accept the change,

welcome the darkness into the light,

see the perfect union between those two.

 

My friends’ house burned down few weeks ago, some relationships around me ended, I have had lots of nightmares, felt also some stress and exhaustion while working a bit too long without a break that my body was asking for. When I was too tired today to see clearly my dear friend, Vera, spoke the words of wisdom:

 

“Maybe in the middle of all this we could just laugh.

There’s so much happening now but in the middle of all that

 I am still breathing

I am still being

and my heart is still beating.

And so is yours.“

 

All my friends survived from the fire

Also some crystals survived from the fire

reminding of new seeds growing from ashes.

Every ending

is followed by a new beginning

Closing the infinite circle of life.

 

Now,

dear bats,

you are welcome to my head!

I am ready for the transition.

 

 

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