For a long time I thought that annoying people and irritating situations in life are real things that simply need to be faced. I first thought that the way of coping with provoking situations and people is just to learn to accept them as they are. Acceptance is a fundamental principle indeed but it is not that simple to start accepting issues that don’t line with my values and make my blood pressure to go up. I had to look for an answer somewhere deeper and by now I already know where to search for – every answer lies within. It is cleverly hidden waiting for me to be ready to discover it and learn from it.
Just recently I praised the gratitude of meeting such a wise man that is one of the greatest teachers I have met in this life. “Remember that all that beauty and good that you see in me is a reflection of light within you” he replied. Simple, beautiful, true. In the same way all the irritation and provocation is a projection of a block within me – something that I am not okay with, something that hounds me affecting to my way of seeing the world around me. If someone makes me feel any kind of hatred it is not the person who makes me feel so but rather my own attitude towards this person. It is not this person who is annoying (in fact this person is not nice either, he simply is) but it is me who sees something in him that makes me annoyed. And this is just because we all have undressed issues within ourselves that we are not conscious about or more precisely, we don’t want to be. For example, I used to find myself judging people who showed up every day with tons of make up on their face and half a kilo of hair spray on their hair. Who would like to cover herself with such toxins every single day just to look good? They must be very insecure, I thought. But after investigating the criticism I understood that it only came from my own ridiculous insecurity to look unattractive next to her. Fair enough, it was a calling for me to start polishing my self-esteem and consciously light up my inner beauty. It worked.
After becoming more conscious and finding peace within I wanted to think that there is nothing that makes me annoyed anymore. Unfortunately, this is not true as I still catch myself judging people in my mind. For example, when someone litters nature on purpose or intentionally hurts someone else the first thing in my mind is a criticism of how this person can be so ignorant. Nevertheless, when I recognize it I can change my attitude from judgment to understanding. No one deserves judging. Not even a mass murderer. No one has lived a life of her and no one can experience what she went through in her life. There are no people that are born as bad persons – there are only events and experiences that lead people to do bad for the others. And since it is so it is not permanent and it can be changed.
So instead of sending out criticism and hatred I send out understanding and caring. I believe that however annoying and ignorant the person is, the best way to teach her good is to act as the greatest example myself. If the person hurts someone, the solution is not to hurt her back but share caring, loving and understanding for her. In this way she can experience a positive event that empowers her eventually to change her own behavior. The seed is planted – instead of reacting to life through fear and defence, over time she can learn to understand and care of others as well.
In the customer service people are often taught to think that the client is always right. In this case I might smile outwardly just for the courtesy but judge a client in my mind. Some people even find it entertaining to go and talk about some idiot behind their backs. Unfortunately, the energy of our thoughts transfers. Believe me, one doesn’t even need to be too sensitive to have an “odd” or “uncomfortable” feeling of someone. This is because our inner feeling of the person transmits as well. And again, whatever I send out comes back to me multiple times stronger. It’s up to me what kind of treatment I want to receive in this life.
This mentality forces me not only to clean my outer reactions but also inner attitudes. Ironical enough, with the help of annoying people I can actually learn to know my own inner unconscious challenges and clean my mind. It can lift up things that I am ashamed of and had forgotten for that very reason. I can grow as a good person and understand a lot better what kind of things bather me and why. In other words, these people and events actually do a huge favor for me! With the help of them I can learn to understand that there are no naturally annoying events but only an attitude that creates it all.
Next time when you come across such an event where judgment arises, have a quick date with yourself and use it as a beautiful chance to get to know yourself a bit better. Why do I react in this way? What in me reflects to the other person? What kind of attitude do I send out? As Edith Wharton quotes, there are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.