Not too long ago there was a time when I felt anxious about my future. I was wondering around in the world looking for “my thing” trying to find out what it was that I really wanted to do in my life. I got excited about so many different fields and took every opportunity that came before me… until I noticed that all of them where pulling me to different directions. I had to come up with a plan for the next year that would make sense both for my heart and practical mind. I thought I was only digging small holes around me not concentrating on anything specific. I felt that I needed to define my life and focus on something sensible. And then the day came when I understood that I was already doing my thing.
It takes guts to do your own thing in this world. Have you noticed how easy it is to adapt to what is going on around you? When walking on a busy street it is very easy to start walking as fast as others. It is easy to adapt on a pace that my friends are eating on the same table. It is easy to adjust my own mood to common mood around me. And it is even easier to fix my mind to believe things that are supposed to be believed to be something that I am supposed to be. I appreciate and honor the same common things that are appreciated around me and believe that those values are mine. It happens so automatically that I don’t even second-guess it.
A young lady is hired for a manager position right after graduation. It is such a great job with lots of responsibility! She gets a great amount of demanding tasks indeed, so she works her ass off, her stress level verge on clouds, she gets constantly sick and goes to work while still recovering from the flu. She enters to an illusion that she doesn’t have time to do all those things that made her happy anymore. But she accepts it all because the position is commonly so respected and recognized. She is clapped on the back and told how great of an opportunity it is. In other words, she gets the highest grades from society. But while filling the satisfaction of society she gives most of her time and health for something that is told to bring success and wealth. Own happiness is quite a big price to pay for such an illusion.
I decided to update my software and ask myself few simple, though not easy questions: what do I really appreciate and honor? How many of my values come straight from my heart without any go-betweens? Under the social pressure my eyes were already strained of being fixed on one goal to find my thing and try to stop digging the small holes. But when I softened my eyes and relaxed them I literally learned to “look behind my eyes” even when walking on street. And I saw it all. All the opportunities on the way that were there only to be seen. I accepted that I absolutely loved digging the small holes. Furthermore, I saw the connection between them and right there in front of my eyes they all melted into one big hole – all the work, people, travels, experiences and courses that I had taken were all supporting each other in a magical way. I was already what I had been looking for.
And every day I live experiences that teach me more about myself and my own values, I only need to be bold enough to recognize it. Through traveling I learned courage, trust and freedom, through yoga I learned the power of mind, through my roommate I learned how to clean recycable paperboard correctly to save nature just a bit more. Just recently on a contact improvisation jam I realized that I am ready to catch other people who fall in life - I am able to help them to lift themselves up again.
There are many paths to run up the mountain. Your life is not a performance that needs to be completed in certain way to get good grades. The university of life does not know the grading system but offers an eternal playground instead. Withdraw yourself from an illusion of not knowing enough or not being enough. Look what you already have and give yourself a big delicious hug for it. Go out there, play everything that come before you, soak yourself in it and be mindfully with it. It is ALL important for your learning. Redirect your ship whichever direction appeals to you even if it requires getting lost. Find your courage in unlikely places. Bow for your uniqueness and bravery. Discover how amazing YOUR thing already is and recognize all the particles that created it.
And so, I wish you for open heart, wide road with many forks and eternal amount of excitement to be alive. You are brave enough to live fully for your own values <3